Billy-X

That's figuratively, not literally.

I apologize for disappearing for so long.  Life became hectic.  Things because overwhelming.  It will probably continue as such.  I'm in university; it is taking over my life.  I haven't written for months on months.  And I'm sorry for that.

This begs to be longer, but I must cut it off now.

Thank you to everyone for your love and support.

-Sara

I was reading around my diary site, and one of my regular reads had posted something that someone in one of her classes had said.  It struck me, because it was so wholly true.  It was so damned right, so completely real.  It threw me for a moment, because I hadn't even thought about it before.

A question was posed.  Who remembers where they met their best friend, or girlfriend, or boyfriend?  Many people raised their hands.  Then the teacher asked one guy why he remembered.

We remember where we meet the people we love because life is like a flip-book.  A comic strip.  A photo album.  You can be having the most rational of days, when something reminds you of that person.  A place, something you ate, usually a smell.  Then that book is opened and memory lane becomes your location, because somewhere in your subconcious every time you spent with them is sitting and waiting for a trigger.  It's the triggers that can throw you off guard.  Sitting in the backseat, staring at the stars, and remembering what it was like to have his hand on my leg.  Drinking Sprite, and remembering the day that he made me laugh so hard that it came out my nose.  The weird little things that make us remember are so unpredictable.  They can ruin your day, or make it.  Either you can miss him terribly, remembering all the things you loved about him, or you just laugh and... well, remember all the things you loved about him.

I wonder if someday I'll have this with Chris.  If I'll be walking downtown and stop for a coffee, remembering one of our first dates.  Or maybe I'll smell Axe, and remember how it was when we would sleep on the couch and what it was like to have him near me.  I wonder how I'll view this relationship when I'm older.  I hope that I'll be able to look back and smile.

It's funny how our opinions don't mold, too outcast, imperfect. Revolutionary, because we're anti-you, and anti-your ideas, it's impossible, we're crazy.  That's wrong.  That's bloody wrong.  Embrace change, it's good for the complexion.  That rush of blood, flaming, scratching inside you like a needle in the vein.  A rush of adrenaline, heroin, searing, burning your head and heart and body.  Dare to be a rebel, for a change, and stand up for yourself, for your reasons, for your cause.  Be one against the world, because the world's not listening anyway.  It doesn't matter.  But having a reason is so much cooler than acting like it's all ok.  Because it's not.